My Step-Father and Kept Woman

Aren’t I a dish?? Or not….webcam pictures always suck. I look like I’ve put far too much botox in my face! Not guilty by the way.

My sister ran into my ex step dick Dad's parents the other day at the mall. I guess that would make them my old Grandparents. Anywhoo. She hadn’t seen them in many years as she had lived on the other side of the country for 12 years. They were very nice Grandparents actually and I have to admit to missing having them in my life. *My Mom and step dick haven’t been together in years*. She’s catching up with them, telling them about her life and what she’s doing. How my Mom is and such. Then they get on the subject of moi. They knew that I had Kyle, so sister tells them I have two more children. Two lovely girls but fails to tell them I am married. Why would this bother me? Well gather round and let me tell you.

From the time that I was about 12 years old or so step dick, we’ll just call him Dick for short. Dick would tell me that I would grow up to be either a welfare mom or a "Kept Woman"***. I knew that I didn’t want to be a welfare mom; I was going to be a famous actress. I wasn’t exactly sure what a kept woman was but if it was coming from him, it didn’t sound much better.

*** woman who has a continuing, extramarital sexual relationship with one man, esp. a man who, in return for an exclusive and continuing liaison, provides her with financial support.***

I loved school. I did well and excelled at most of my subjects. Okay, so math and science I could live without but English, French, History, Drama, and Social Studies. I loved them all. When I was about 14 years old, I started auditioning for commercials and parts in Toronto. Not a lot of them, but a few here and there. I enjoyed acting, I don’t get nervous, and going to a “big” city was fun. Unfortunately, I didn’t have the grooming or an agency behind me. We couldn’t afford to have my Mom cart me around from audition to audition at a moments notice, it just wasn’t a possibility. Of course Dick always had an answer. He said, “The only role you would be good at playing is a bitch – it wouldn’t be a stretch.” “Even if you did make it, you’d be a child star and then a washed up junkie by the time you reached 21 anyway.” “Welfare moms do not become famous; don’t set your sights so high”

Can you imagine someone saying this to his 14 year old Step Daughter?? Can you imagine the effect it would have on her self esteem?

Well being the ballsy girl that I am, I would just tell him to fuck off go to my room, play my music as loud as I could and think of the day I would be famous or successful or out the house and away from this man. **Sister moved to the other side of the country to be away from him…this speaks volumes**

What it didn’t stop me from doing is auditioning for school plays. I took Drama, signing, dancing, you name it. I was good at it, my report card showed it, as did the parts I received in school plays. I did play a floozy in one skit which was hilarious, then again, that was art imitating life :oP For years this man trampled my dream, but not my spirit. I always knew that it would be better and that with work and determination I would succeed. Now I did not become the famous Marilyn Monroe actress I wanted to be, but I am fine with that. Every once in a while I do get an itch to sing, dance and act my heart out. A good friend of mine is a drama teacher and a theatre actress, she’s always telling me, “Sheri, come out and audition. You would be great!” One of these days I just may do that.

As for the Dick’s prediction of my welfare aspirations, he was off target. Am I a kept woman? Nah, I was never so lucky ;o)

I have thought over the last couple of days, about him thinking about me not being married, but having three kids. And in reality do I care? No, I don’t give a shit, because I never did in the first place.

Why I am an idiot #1

Actually there have been many reasons but this is the first time I am posting, so let's start at #1 shall we?

Saturday night.

Hubby and I decide to take the daughters to Swiss Chalet for dinner. They've got their Festive Special dinner started and I love it. We wanted the girls to try it, so off we go.

It's busy so we have to wait in line. The girls are taking tap dancing lessons, and they have a homework assignment. They have to create a dance with six taps from what they've learned so far. Mariah was practicing. She was trying different steps to see which she preferred. Emilie was off in lala land. Personally I don't think she so interested in that part of tap dancing. I think she just likes the way the tap shoes sound to be honest. She was actually doing ballet in the middle of the waiting area.

So back to Mariah. She's doing her thing. Their teacher likes them to do a big pose at the end. Mariah was doing a little one, sort putting her arms into herself. We were in a corner waiting as she was doing this. I was giving her pointers, telling how great her tap moves were and how fabulous she is at tapping (no lie, she is improving) Being the over-the-top girl that I am, I said, "Mariah you're pose, it has to be grand. You've done a great tap dance that you made up all by yourself! Be proud honey; put your arms out like this!" I do a fantastic pose, swooping out both of my arms.....punching the man, standing behind me, straight in the face!

Now people I am not talking a little slap. I got him good. He immediately grabbed his nose.

I turned, "Ohmygoodness! I am sooo sorry. Are you okay?"
Him: No. That hurt!
Me: *stammering* I uh. I was trying to show my daughter how to pose for her dancing.
Him: Do you always do it in a restaurant?
Me: I didn't realise you were behind me (we were practically in the corner)
Him: I was waiting in line to put my name down on the list
Hubby: Oh we've got our name down already. You just have to go up and put it down.

The Gentleman goes and puts his name down and leaves to get his wife and children.

Hubby: Jesus Sheri, you should be more careful.
Me: Well I didn't know he was there for heaven sakes! God I feel like a frickin' boob!

The Gentleman and his family come back in and stand next to us. He looks at me and steps far away from me. I almost started laughing, I mean c'mon. I am 5'2, I weight 118lbs (you figure out the metric) It's not like I laced the guy and broke his nose for God sakes. Ask my old kick boxing partner, I punch like a wimp. I apologise once again (note he didn't accept it before) He says that's fine, but doesn't look too pleased. His wife looks at me all snot nose like and says to her hubby,

"She hit you???"
Him: Yes, it was an accident.
Her: Well did she apologise? (Uh McFly, I just did)
Him: Yes, she did. It's all okay.
Her: Well why would she hit you? (she's glaring at me)

Now I want to punch wife in mouth for being such a bitch. But luckily for her they call our name and we sit for our dinner.

Guess who they sat in the booth beside us?

Why I am loving Britney

THANK GOD, THANK GOD, THANK GOD!!!!

She came to her senses.

I never could understand the attraction to Kevin Federline.

Perhaps it boiled down to the fact that he left the mother of his beautiful child, who was pregnant with his second to be with someone else. My alarms bells went off right there. What type of person would do this? This spoke volumes about his character, or lack of it.

It didn't seem to bother Britney at all, although reports at the time hinted it did indeed bother her mother Lynne. She was head over heals in love with this man.

Who was this Kevin Ferderline anyway??

He was a back up dancer and from reports a very good one at that. He worked very hard to perfect his craft. He perfected it and has been praised by legitimate people in the business. I will give him that. He moved from humble beginnings in Fresno, California perfecting his moves to LA. Auditioning and auditioning. Managing to work for artists like Janet Jackson, Michael Jackson, Pink, Christina Aguilera, and Justin Timberlake. Then he moved onto Britney where he caught her eye. And from there it was all over for Brit.

They were inseparable and open for tabloid fodder.

What was it about this man? He looked like he crawled out of a ditch, put on a wife beater shirt, some crappy shorts, horrendous flip flops and topped it off with a never ending smoke hanging out of his mouth. Hardly the stuff that fans wanted for sexy Britney. Some say she may not be the brightest bulb (me being one of them) but the girl has talent, she knows how to promote it and she was on the top of her groove. This tiny young lady had power, and was smart when it came to making CD's, and making money. As much as I hated to admit it, she knew what she was doing. Plus I have to say, I would have killed to have abs like she did pre babies.

So Brit and the slob get engaged. As Mr. Federline hasn't a pot to piss in or a nickel to his name, Brit buys the engagement ring. Even Christina Aguilera who was in her "Dirty" phase came out and said it was 'trailer park tacky'.

Personally I think it was lust that Britney felt, not love. And let’s face it, she was young and wouldn’t have realized the difference.


We all know the particulars. Brit has Sean Preston, Kevin is no where to be found. He’s off partying anywhere but in their Malibu home. Apparently to hone his “rap” career so he can make his CD. Meanwhile, Brit is pregnant once again and taking heat for her so called negligent parenting skills. Personally, I was a tad upset about her driving down a highway in LA with her 4 month old baby in her lap. Photogs or not. Put the child in his car seat where he safely belongs and leave. As a mother I could not defend her on that one. Sean falling out of the highchair and Brit slipping with him in her arms in NYC. Well she wasn’t home when he squirmed out of the highchair (as both of my daughters have done. My son also rolled of the couch at 3 weeks old) And even if she was, as I stated above, it happens. The difference is I am not a celebrity and don’t have it reported for everyone to judge my mothering skills. The NYC incident, she tripped, she caught her child and dropped her soda. I fell down the stairs with my 18 month old in my arms; I was pregnant at the time. Of course I didn’t do it with 20 reporters taking pictures.

Did anyone else notice she had to weather this alone? Where was Federline? He was in Las Vegas, his favorite party spot. Leaving a pregnant Britney to deal with her pregnancy, the baby, the scrutiny, and the press regarding her mothering skills and his partying. It seems he had it made. He had a wife who gave him her womb, her love, her energy, her faith in his talent (she seems to be the only one). It’s been reported recently he doesn’t pay Shar Jackson a penny in child support; however, their eldest does go to a private school that Kev….er Britney pays for.

The only thing that Kevin Federline was good at is making babies and spending Brits money. His CD has sold 6500 copies, making roughly $150. She asked for sole custody of their two children. He countered by saying he wants the kids (I wonder if he remembered he has two with Shar??) so they can be taken care of properly.

Pulllleassse.

I am surprised the man even knows their names for heavens sakes! He’s spent more time in Vegas on ‘business’ than he has with his family. Besides I am sure there is a law in Child Protective Services that prevents you from bringing infants into VIP section of ICE Nightclub in Vegas. Which seems to be his home away from home? He has also asked for spousal support (hardly surprising). What?? His “kick ass” CD not making enough money? His big guest spot on CSI not bringing oodles of acting offers? Please, get off your ass Federline and support yourself, and while you’re at it support you other kids you seem to have forgotten about. Personally I am glad she has filed for divorce. I hope she takes her money (Thank God for the pre-nup her very smart Mother insisted she draw up) her beautiful babies (the only good thing that came out of this union), gets her career back on track, and puts Federline back in the ditch he crawled out of.

And I thought I was so HOT

The year is 1990. I am living for the summer in Simcoe, Ontario with my best friend's family. Let me tell you a little bit about Simcoe. It's population then was 24,000 people. The closest City is Brantford, Ontario. The home of Wayne Gretzky. Personally I would beg to differ that Brantford is a city, but indeed it is. Walter Gretzky holds a hockey tournament every December. I've had the trememdous honour of meeting him and he is a true Gentleman.

Other than Brantford, there isn't much around Simcoe. There is Port Dover, and Turkey Point, which are nice to visit in the summer. You can stroll along the Boardwalk, get fat french fries and soft ice cream. Other than that, you have a lot of tobacco farms and a large Mennonite Community (simmilar to the Amish)

The big events that stand out in my mind that summer are:

Iraq invading Kuwait. What a tumultuous time. It was a chance for the first Bush to stick his nose where it doesn't belong....nevermind, that's for another post.

The Berlin Wall coming down. It was something happening at the time to me then. Now I get chills when I see footage of it. I didn't understand the magnitude of this event.

**The Bar I worked at was called Johnny Bo's. The cook in the back went 'home' to Germany that summer and grabbed a back pack full of pieces of the Wall. Before the Police started arresting people for it. He brought them back for us. I still have that piece, with graffiti and all. It's in a baseball case at my Mom's house.**

The huge event in my 20th year was the Friendship Festival Queen Pagent.....no I am not kidding. I wanted that title so badly. Nevermind that the World around us was shifting. War in the Middle East was imminent. Communism was being torn down literally by the people themselves. People of Eastern Germany were walking freely through West Berlin for the first time in 30 years. Peopole were seeing relative they had never met before. People were embracing complete strangers. It was a cause for complete celebration.

And I wanted a crown on my head and the title of Friendship Festival Queen.

Well we went through the interview process, then the onstage pagent. No there wasn't a bikini or talent portion. However, you did have to know about Simcoe and the community. You had to get up in the Community Centre and tell the crowd of 250 people why you were worthy of the title. You also had to answer a series of questions. When I get nervous, I stutter and speak even faster than I normally do. I had the lady across the street work with me for weeks. Seriously, on poise, speech, sitting, you name it. I bought a new dress, got my hair, nails and make up professionally done for this event. I was so nervous I almost peed my pants. I got up and blanked on my 'speech'. However, they asked the questions first. I did pretty good and then winged my way through my speech. Basically saying I was new to the area but they welcomed me, I volunteered at the woman shelter (fact) blah blah. Anywhoo, I was runner up. The 'girl' that got it was 30 years old and it was her 4th attempt at the title.

So off we go. Breakfast with the Mayor, parades, opening nail salons, charity events. Now please do not think this was posh. My next big event??? Trudy couldn't make this one, she had another one to attend, so they sent me to.....

A Tomato Festival! Yes, Ladies and Gentleman. A few towns over, with a population of about 12, (don't blink, you'll miss it) was holding their annual Tomato Fest and they needed a Queen.

Enter Sheri

So I dress myself in, of course, a red dress, do the updo on the hair. It was about 105 degrees out that day. They put me on this gorgeous red corvette type car. Apparently a very HOT ROD type car. As we were waiting for the big ol' parade (yes a parade) to start people were asking about it.

Them: Man, that's a smokin' car, what year is it?
Me: It's.....nice isn't it?
Them: Ya, what year is it?
Me: I don't know, but I get to ride in.
Them: Lucky you.

I could have cared less what year it was, lets get to the parade so they can announce ME. People will cheer and my overflated ego will be satisfied

So off we go. We round the corner and they announce me as the Tomato Queen and people go nuts. I wave and smile. The crowd is singing some song, honestly banners were waving and there were tomatoes everywhere. I was tossing candy into the crowd, it was magic! When the car would stop, little kids would run up for candy. I had males coming up to shake my hand. Hey, I was a dish in my youth, plus the strapless red dress with the cleavage helped. (Can you say corny fucking movie of the week?)

So near the end of the parade we stop. And this younger guy is taking pictures. He's saying, "Yes, totally HOT." And taking picture after picture. And I am thinking. "Wow, I knew I looked pretty good today, holy shit! Yup, I am IT" He cannot get over himself. He starts to walk over to me, and I am thinkiing, "Yup, he's coming over....kiss his cheek Sheri, give him a thrill...okay, sit up straight, smile....." He walks up to me, he looks shy. So I break the ice, I extend my hand and say, "Hel...."

He pipes up: "Um I am sorry Miss *cough* Tomato, I want to get a real good picture of the car. Would you mind getting off??

I am sure that my jaw dropped. I stammered out some response and got out of the car. I was absolutely fumming as I stood there on the side of the road for 10 mins while he took picture of the hot car and not me!

That's what I get for being so full of myself in the first place.....God how annoying I must have been!

Of course I telling this story to one of my Mom's friends the other day. Both my Mom and I laughed so hard as I was telling it -why? Because it's hilarious!


Sheri
Aka The Tomato Chick

New Blog

Hello!

Welcome to the New Blog.

I had to delete the other one. Let's just leave it at that.

I hope you enjoy the new look, and style.

Will be posting shortly.

Sheri