Alight, you have to let me know what you would do in this situation. I am leaving out names...okay so you wouldn't know these people anyway, but this was so blog material AND it didn't happen to me!!
So I have a friend. Shut up I actually do have friends!!
She's been burned in the past and she was in a man free zone for the past year and a half. So she meets this nice guy. She's taking it slow, they go out have coffees, and they go out have drinks, that sort of thing. She wants to wait before she lets him shake her tree.
She went to a work conference in a city near by for 4 days. She is the personal assistant to the President/VP/Exec Team of an Advertising company. She has a "free" night from all of the event organizing and admin crap she had to do.
She had arranged for guy to come up and stay. She had a loft suite with all the fixin's. He shows up and for a lack of a better term, he shakes her tree.
Of course being that we're woman, she has to let me know about it immediately, in fact I was going to blog about it.
Over the next couple of weeks they get together, not doing the nasty, just hooking up for coffee, drinks and such. Soooo...one night they're at his place and she's looking at his medications. He's diabetic, and he has a heart condition so he has multiple medications to take. She was saying how she doesn't understand how Dr's can prescribe medications for example to the elderly and not get it mixed up. Meaning, how do they know if one won't counter-act the other nor will this cause a reaction if taken with this one? That sort of thing. He has his medications in one of those containers that is by day and then separated for morning and evening.
Him: I take this one for my heart condition in the morning, and this one in the evening. This one I take for my diabetes. I take this one for such and such twice a day.
He goes down the list and explains the medications to her.
Then he gets to the last one.
Him: Now this one I take every day in the morning and I have to discuss it with you.
Her: Sure, are you okay?
She's thinking the poor man has cancer or something like that...........
Nope.
Him: Well, I have HERPES.
WHAT THE FUCK???!!!???
She was sure she heard him incorrectly.
It seems guy had this for 25 years, he's 50. He had his last breakout 4 months ago and was clean when they did it. They also used a condom. She was horrified. How could he have not told her? She excused herself and went to have a cigarette on his balcony.
When she returned she spoke briefly to him and then left. She was pretty shaken up when she called me. She really like this guy and this happened. She came to my house the next day to talk to me. He called her four times in the time she was at my house, she ignored the calls. She met up with him later that day to officially end the relationship. Evidently he didn't get it the night before.
He felt it would be fine to carry on the relationship, continue to use condoms and not have sex if he had a flare up. Which I am sure would be fine for some people. It wasn't right for her.
For two reasons.
The first being he betrayed her trust. He didn't tell her prior to having sex he had an incurable STD. This wasn't an oppsie we had too many drinks, our clothes fell off and we rolled around naked. This was an arranged meeting, they knew that he would be staying overnight so it was obvious what would be happening. He wasn't having an outbreak and wanted to get laid, so he did. He had plenty of time to tell her and give her the opportunity to make the choice to continue or not.
The second reason is she didn't want to take the chance of getting Herpes. His ex wife got it even though they were "careful" It wasn't something she wanted to always have in the back of her mind. She had at that point already made an appointment with her Dr to check her out to see if she had effects from their rendezvous. (she's fine btw)
He said he wasn't sure when he was going to tell her. If you tell the person before, they usually back away and it's done before it started. Or do you have sex and then tell them? Either way it's a hard choice to make.
She said, "Well I am sorry but I don't want to have to be the one in the future to have figure out if when it would be right time"
Okay so talk amongst yourselves and then spill it, when would you tell if you had to?
6 comments:
BE-fucking-FORE! I have had this happen to me. I had a guy give me HPV this way. Worse fucking thing ever. You feel so betrayed and dirty. And herpes is worse.
Herpes is spread by skin shedding, meaning condoms DO NOT prevent it and barely help. You can get it from mere skin contact. And not to make things worse, but it can lie dormant and undetected for up to seven years before you have an outbreak and find out you have it.
Same thing with HPV. That's how I ended up with mine. Used a condom but spread by skin contact, delayed presentation.
I wish your friend luck. As for the guy, castrate him.
Chris: Good Lord! She did go to the website of the medication he is taking and did a huge search on Herpes. What kills me is how he figured they could carry on a relationship after. Unbelievable!
Good to hear from you btw :)
Oh dear! He really should have told her! How fucked up!
If I had herpes I would probably take a lot longer to get to know someone than I would otherwise before going to bed with them so they wouldn't just reject me outright when i told them about my illness. But i'd definately spill it before we had sex. That was a totally outrageous move that guy pulled.
Steph: Yes he should have. It's done now but it most certainly threw her. She really liked guy.
Emmak: Welcome - I would have said something prior as well. What he did was outrageous. They has known one another for almost a year prior to this becoming intimate, he had plenty of time to tell her.
She was right to dump his virus infested ass-what a jerk!!!
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